For the Delay. no inspwation (baby spelling)
This is the FIRST Linda Novel written by Edward Macasadia under EMBM Productions
December 30, 2009
December 21, 2009
December 21, 2009
Chapter Three, III, 3
“I smell an ee-dee-yot” sneered Ms. Shell who was still angry after Sarah called her a female dog because of the hypocrisy thing that drove everything out of perspective.
“I’ve read in a book called ‘Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment’ by James Patterson which I got this Christmas that when you face imminent death, that will snap everything into perspective. It said that on page 5, start of chapter 1. I wish I was a fourteen year old who was 2% bird…” said Linda in a stern tone with a slightly daydream-ish end. “What kind of imminent death are you talking about?” replied Bebe who was still optimistic. “Well, if you ask me, it’s a lose-lose-lose-lose situation” replied Linda. “What kind of lose-lose-lose-lose situation are you talking about?” Bebe asked.
“Well, 1st loss: The bomb explodes on designated time we don’t know. 2nd loss: the designated time is later and it explodes when we least expect it. 3rd loss: we can’t get someone to disable it. Last loss: it explodes in the midst of the disabling operation. Now do you see?” said Linda in a nervous tone.
Just then, Sarah was holding a piece of paper filled with ideas. “It’s in the manual. Maybe this would help.”
Sarah scanned the paper while reading some of the ideas.
“No, No, John McCain?! ooh, McDonald’s?! yay!, If you didn’t vote for Obama, you’re a racist, Here we go! How to solve rational Algebraic Expressions!”
“What does Algebra have to do with bomb disabling?” asked Belinda rather angrily.
“No, these are for the children who always get D minuses on math tests. Math is everywhere, you know?” replied Sarah who seems to have forgotten the dilemma.
“Wait, Sarah, what manual was that in?” Ms. Shell nicely asked. “Why should you care? Female dog!” Sarah said back.
“You want some o’ this?” Ms. Shell asked holding out a fist.
“Stop it ladies. the lady boxing night isn’t until January.” said Belinda who jumped in the middle.
“You HAVE A LADY BOXING NIGHT?” asked Sarah again who seems to be under the influence
“Hey, I thought we were gonna disable THAT FREAKING NUCLEAR BOMB IN THE BASEMENT UNDER OUR FEET WHICH IS TICKING AWAY THIS VERY MOMENT? WHAT WAS THE MANUAL FOR, SARAH???” asked the already reddening Linda.
“It’s ‘The How To Manual With Bomb Disabling Included’” replied Sarah who wasn’t in the mood to shout after the female dog issue with Ms. Shell.
“Sarah, how come you never tell us the important bits first?” asked Bebe who was curious.
“The therapist said it was my disease. I would not want to make therapists liars.
“Hey I just noticed! ‘therepist’ are just the words ‘the’ and ‘rapist’ put together.” said Bebe with uttermost fascination.
“Here we go again. Sarah where’s the manual?” said Linda who seems to be becoming strict. Probably because her heart rates up and adrenaline is just flooding her system right now.
“Dolfy’s our ENEMY right?” said Sarah in a rather cute tone. ‘
“Uh, yeah!” said the latter.
“So, I put it through a paper shredder.” Sarah said with evident pride.
“YOU WHAT?!?!?!?!”
“MEG, take these cupcakes to the kitchen. I’ll microwave them later. We need to get there before Ashley, my maid throws the shredding out.” Commanded Linda
“I thought Ashley quit?” asked Bebe
“Enough of that! Let’s go, go, go!” said Linda who was nearing frustration.
They quickly ran to the office room in the body wing and found the paper shredder alright. But where was the shredded paper?
~to be continued~
Note: Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment was the book the author got from the Christmas party. IT SO AWESOME!!!
December 21, 2009
The cover (of the “novel”) and Linda. Watch Out for chapter 3!
December 21, 2009
Chapter Two, II, 2
“Plasma, Red Blood Cells, White Blood Cells and platelets.” Replied Ms. Shell [in an I-Know-Everything tone]. “I know that. I mean in a Nationality way… stupid” said Linda in a Yes-You-Know-Everything-But-You’re-Answer-Is-Wrong-Coz-You’re-Actually-Stupid tone.
“Ooh! I know!!!!!!!!” shouted Bebe. “OK, What?” said Linda in a Thank-Goodness-I-Found-The-Exit-To-The-Labyrinth tone. “You are 25% French, 25% Spanish, 25% British and 25% Filipino!” said Bebe in a record time of 3.5 seconds. “AND BINGO WAS HER NAME-O” said Linda.
“So what, I’m Biologically correct” argued Ms. Shell. “So your saying Lindopolians are French, Spanish, British, and Filipino citizens who got fed up of their country and their leaders with a mole that’s large compared to her height so they moved here to start a new life?” asked Belinda. “Give the prize to my grandma!” Linda said. “I still don’t get it though.” Belinda replied. Linda explained: “Have you seen Dolfy’s van? It says ‘We Don’t Like Mixing Races’. And Lindopolians are a mix of FOUR races.” “OK” Said the now Enlightened Belinda.
A little later they heard footsteps. They were getting faster until…
“EUREKA!!!!!” screamed Sarah from the top of her voice. “What?????” asked the latter in chorus.
She held up a big dusty red leather book that said in big gold lettering
“THE UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WITH LINDOPOLIAN TRANSLATIONS FROM PAGE 3001-6000”
She opened it and began to read: “Hypocrisy-noun-The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.” Upon realization, Sarah shouted “Screw you Ms. Shell! Good for nothing *****!”
~~~~~after an hour of anger management counseling~~~~~
“Ok. is THAT outside of our systems?” asked Linda
“Yes…” replied Sarah and Ms. Shell. “OK now, let’s have tea!” said Belinda
“Oh no, I’m not going to go to one of those overpriced coffee shops just to have tea. MOM WE’RE HAVING TEA! BAKE SOME CUPCAKES PLEASE!” said Linda.
“You don’t want to go to Sta—”
“Stop that Belinda. We don’t need a lawsuit.” said Bebe just before she said the S-word.
A little later, MEG delivered the tea and crumpets along with an assortment of cups. Some cups were fancy, others were cheap. A little later while they were eating, Belinda said “Look, everyone took the fancy crystal cups but none used the cheap plastic ones.” “Grandma, because plastic has chemicals that, when exposed to heat, will mix with the tea and therefore poison us” Linda replied. “Oh, OK, I thought I was going to give a lecture about the saying ‘Life is Like A Cup of Coff— er Tea” Belinda said sadly.
“Oh, I remember the time while I was in the library when Hairy and Dolfy were plotting to plant a nuclear bomb at the basement. Those stupid people. They told me we’ll all become a million pieces. Hahaha” said Sarah while biting into a cupcake.
“WHAT?!” They all said together.
“I guess I should have told you this earlier, right?” said Sarah in a nervous tone.
~to be continued~
December 19, 2009
Chapter (One)[I] {1} NOTE: THIS IS FICTION
“LET’S DO IT!!!!!!” Screamed Sarah. Her shout was so loud that the chandelier above violently shook. “Control yourself Sarah!” replied Linda. It was nearly a month since that “attack” and they are planning to declare war against Germany. “We can’t just go on and throw bombs on the other country after that um, ‘misunderstanding’”. “They never wanted us to clarify what happened” Sarah replied angrily. “We should just let it pass.” Said Bebe who was looking rather worried. “It’s a week ‘til Christmas and I’m pregnant.” She was right. Christmas was just around the corner and Bebe was two months pregnant. “Well, it’s Ms. Shell’s fault anyway!” said Sarah. “wait a minute. Wasn’t it you who was so happy when I arrived?” Said Ms. Shell who was nearly crying after that statement. Sarah noticed it and quickly changed the subject. “What about them? they attacked and they WET MY BED! My linens were high quality Chinese silk.” “Wait a minute Sarah, I never knew you were a warlord er, war lady.” “It’s called HYPOCRISY, Linda.” Said Ms. Shel bitterly. “Look it up, Sarah!” “You know what? maybe I will!” And Sarah stamped away. Probably going to the library in the leg wing of the palace.Probably to look up “Hypocrisy”. ”Well, Sarah did have a point.” said Linda in a different tone of voice. “Hey, another HYPOCRITE” replied Ms. Shell. She was upset with Sarah blaming the attack on her and was nearing tears. ‘This is going nowhere” said Bebe.
“No”
“Yes”
“SHUT UP PEOPLE!” They all looked at the door and saw their grandma, Belinda. “Please be quiet girls. It’s Sunday and does any of you know what I do every Sunday?” “24 hours of sleep?” said Linda softly. “Yes. Correct, Linda. What are you people arguing about anyway?” She said in her usual fast pace. “We’re talking about whether to have war with Germany or not. Remember the Floo Incident?” said Linda. “Oh yes the ‘Floo Incident’. let me join this debate then. But, I need a chair. I’m a 108 you know.” “Sure grandma” and Bebe gave Belinda the chair Sarah was sitting on before she left. “Why do we need to declare war?” asked Belinda. “Because of the Floo Incident” said Ms. Shell. “Why should we NOT declare war?” asked Belinda again. “Because it’s nearly Christmas and I’m pregnant” said Bebe. “Because they’re racists.” said Linda. “Racists?” asked Belinda in a confused tone. “Uhh. Does ANYBODY know what’s in my blood?” asked Linda in an irritated voice.
~to be continued~
December 18, 2009
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